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I wake up to the sound of the older kid rummaging through the kitchen cabinets presumably looking for cookies or pretzels or some other not-appropriate-for-breakfast food. Immediately after, I hear the scream of the little one who apparently hadn’t made it to the bathroom on time and had peed all over his PJs and the floor.

So there I am cleaning him, disinfecting the floor when I remember we are dog sitting. I get the dog out the door for a little walk.

Come back, negotiate breakfast, the kids settle on bagels & cream cheese with a side of fruit (strawberries, blackberries and raspberries — this is important to Tobias, b/c they all have the word “berry” in their name). Get them dressed. Plop them in front of the TV for Spongebob Square Pants to buy me enough time to make lunches, gather up the dirty clothes and hop in the shower.

I then dial-in for my 8 a.m. conference call, put the phone on mute while I dress, check on the kids, and start packing everything up.

I put on their shoes and coat. Grab the backpacks, my bag, the dirty laundry. Clean the dishes. Turn off the TV. Herd the boys to the garage and into the car where they both insist I help them with their seat belts even though they are both more than capable of doing it themselves.

I am still on the call.

I start the washing machine. Get in the car. Drive the kids to the first school drop off. Take both boys into the school, sign Caleb in, watch him find a friend to ask to play. Take Tobias back to the car, strap him in, drive to the coffee shop. The street is really noisy, I am afraid it will be my turn to speak at any second, so we stay in the car a bit longer.

I can’t take it anymore. Tobias is talking non-stop about Harry Potter. We run out, order coffee and donuts at Dynamo where we stand in a long line behind no less than 4 men in their early forties with longish out of control curlyish hair, ducati-style leather jackets, tightish jeans — the early middle age hipster as opposed to the twenty-something hipster. Get back in car. Still on the call.

After an hour of having the earphones on, listening to others rambling on during their part and the laughing in between speakers, the call disconnects before I get a chance to speak. The phone system doesn’t let me back in when I try to redial.

I phone my boss who says “too bad you missed the call.”

This happens two or three times a week. Every week.

This morning when Caleb woke up and saw me next to him, he smiled and said: “Good morning, my darling.”

As I caught them digging four-day old crackers out of the garbage.

Me: “Don’t eat those, they are garbage.”
Tobias: “But we LIKE garbage.”
Caleb: “Yeah, and I like these crackers with the little sprinkles.”
Me: “Those crackers have ants on them.”
Tobias: “But we LIKE ants.”
Caleb: “Yeah, ants are our FAVORITE.”

I later found them hoarding the garbage ant crackers in their bedside table.

Loading the kids in the car after a trip to Ikea, I offered to hold Caleb’s ice cream while he put on his seat belt.

Tobias: “Caleb, mom licked your ice cream!”
Me: “No I didn’t!”
Tobias: “Yes you did. I saw you do it.”

Little rat.

SO SORRY TO REPORT THAT THERE ARE 3 MORE CASES OF THE VOMIT VIRUS GOING AROUND. THESE 3 CASES ARE/WERE IN THE JAGUAR GROUP. SYMPTOMS ARE SUDDEN ONSET OF VOMITING & SOME REPORTS OF DIARRHEA. A REMINDER THAT OUR ILLNESS POLICY IS 24 HOURS SYMPTOM FREE BEFORE RETURN TO SCHOOL.

Pleasant.